Pumpkin Fudge!


Part of my afternoon was spent making some pretty fabulous Pumpkin Fudge! I thought I’d share my process and the recipe.

What you will need:
Butter
White Sugar
Evaporated Milk
Marshmallow Creme
Canned Pumpkin
Ground Cinnamon
Vanilla Extract
White Chocolate Chips

You will also need a medium sized sauce pan, a whisk, 9×9 pan, candy thermometer and aluminum foil.

First you will line a 9×9 pan in aluminum foil (I totally didn’t get a picture of this step, oops!) I also sprayed a quick mist of olive oil on the foil so it hopefully won’t stick.

Next in a medium sauce pan mix together 2/3 a cup of evaporated milk (I just used one small can and it’s fine) and 2 1/2 cups of white sugar. Whisk together until you have a nice even boil. Be careful not to put your heat up too high or you will scorch it. It should look like this:
pre-fudge

You will notice the candy thermometer. The recipe says to bring to a boil then continue to the next step. Thanks to a suggestion from my friend and house mate, I used a candy thermometer, which says for fudge it should boil until 250 degrees F.

While that was boiling, and I was stirring occasionally, I got the pumpkin ready. I bought a small (I think 15 oz) can of pumpkin puree. Measure out 3/4 a cup of canned (or fresh) pumpkin puree.IMAG1180

It took probably 15-ish minutes for my pre-fudge mix to hit 250 degrees.IMAG1182

Next you will add the pumpkin! I just plopped it in the sauce pan and started to stir with a wooden spoon. Then add 1 teaspoon of ground cinnamon. (Next time I make it I might try doing it with pumpkin pie spice) IMAG1183

Next you will add one 7 oz can of marshmallow creme. I used Jet Puffed. (Yum!) If you are somewhere that you can find it I think fluffernutter would work just as well. Last part of this step is to add 2 tablespoons of butter. When it is all mixed you will get a gorgeous smooth pumpkin mix like this:

IMAG1186

Let this mixture boil for a solid 18 minutes, stirring with your whisk, and being careful to not let it scorch! It’s pretty easy to do so be careful. After the boil has completed you will need to take the sauce pan off of your stove, and then add 1 cup of white chocolate chips and 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract.

IMAG1188Pretty action shot:  IMAG1190

Pour into the prepared pan

IMAG1191 Let cool and set – then enjoy! IMAG1193

As of this posting we have not cut into our fudge yet, but trying the mix still warm – I can tell it’s going to be pretty awesome! I’ll let you know for sure though! If you try the recipe let me know how you like it.

About That Progesterone


We FINALLY got the results back and her level is a 16.2! Ideally our OB would like to see it at an 18 or above so she has upped the clomid to 100mg for next cycle (if she’s not pregnant this cycle). Her chart is still looking nice, but I’m not getting too excited yet.

Lithium


I have bipolar disorder. It’s really no secret. It is a part of who I am.

Recently I was prescribed Lithium. It is the gold standard of bipolar treatment. Since being on it for a week I really have only felt a few things:

1. Nausea – Most medications have this side affect. Sadly, it doesn’t matter if I take it with a full stomach, an empty stomach, or with a glass of milk. I still get the nausea and upset stomach. I think, and it may just be a coincidence, that it’s actually making me lactose sensitive. *GASP* I looove milk! I can’t however, find anything anywhere saying that Lithium could cause this as a side affect.

2. Hand Tremors – Annoyyyyiiiinnnnng! Last night as I was getting my medication from its bottle my hands shook and the entire bottle flew all over the kitchen floor. I about cried. Then realized I had better pick them up quickly before the dogs could get to them! Thankfully they haven’t been bad whilst I am driving. Lets hope it stays that way!

3. Annoying bowel movements (sorry if this is TMI) – My poor body has been going back and forth between being normal and god awful. -_- I think with the dairy irritating my gut that is certainly not helping it any.

4. “Dumb brain” – aka space cadet – I get lost in the middle of my sentences, forget what I was saying or was going to say next, or just ramble on not making any sense. Yeah. For someone who has always been told that I am intelligent I hate feeling like I am now a bumbling idiot.

5. Dizziness – This becomes most apparent when I’m looking over my shoulder driving to see if it’s safe to switch lanes. If I move my head too suddenly I feel the need to vomit. Thankfully this has not happened, as I would hate to vomit on myself in the car. While driving.

These are all relatively mild and easy to handle, but the side affects could last for another couple of weeks. Some of which (hand tremors) could last longer. Another thing I’m not a fan of is the blood work. I know it is for my safety, but I really don’t enjoy getting poked by needles. Especially since they tend to take from my right arm all the time. It gets sore damn it! I always try to convince them to poke the left, but apparently my good veins are in my right arm. *sigh*

For now I will endure some side affects to hopefully get the benefits later on. My goal is to be medication free by the end of 2014 / beginning of 2015 and be stable for at least 6 months (with the help and supervision of my Psychiatrist and therapist) in preparation for a possibly baby. Plans may change depending on my mental status and when our first child is born. Guess we will see eh?

Under the Light of the Moon


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Tonight, September 18 is the Harvest Moon. Conception – Under the Light of the Moon??

 

Here are some quick tips on Moon and Fertility:

  • As the Moon waxes, the estrogen levels go up, which peaks at the Full Moon.
  • For women, the Full Moon is energizing and there’s less need for sleep; the radiant Moonlight makes women feel alluring and receptive to sex.
  • During the waning Moon, higher progesterone prepares the womb for the possibility of new life.
  • At the dark of the Moon, hormones are at their lowest, and there’s a need to rest and tune in psychically, so renewal can happen.
  • The Moon’s mood lighting, the charged-up physical energies and expressive emotionality of the Full Moon are some reasons why it’s a peak for sexual activity.
  • Birth rates are lower in the three-day period at the new Moon; this reflects the lowered libido and energy for sex at that time.
  • At the woman’s natal lunar phase, high stress or sexual intercourse can bring on “spontaneous ovulation.”
  • The lower birth rates at the new moon suggests that it’s a time of lowered libido.
  • Your most fertile days are when the mid-cycle ovulation matches up with the natal lunar phase.
  • The lunar phase can be calculated from your natal chart, by counting the degrees that the Moon is ahead of the Sun.
  • Your fertility peaks when the Moon and Sun are in that angular relationship every month.
  • There’s evidence that a man’s sperm count reaches a peak during his lunar return – when the Moon is in the sign he was born in.
  • Dr. Jonas found that the sex of a baby was in synch with whether the Moon was in a masculine or feminine sign at the time of conception.
  • The masculine signs are Aries, Gemini, Leo, Libra, Sagittarius and Aquarius.
  • The feminine signs are Taurus, Cancer, Virgo, Scorpio, Capricorn and Pisces.
  • For your best chance at a boy baby, have sex during your fertile times when the Moon is in a masculine sign. Choose a feminine sign for a girl baby.
    (http://astrology.about.com/od/themoon/a/MoonFertility.htm)

    Whether any of this is true or not, one can certainly hope that this wonderful Harvest Moon will help bring our little one Bellyside – and then in about 9 months or so – Earthside.

    Happy Harvest Moon everyone!

Seattle Bound!


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The Mrs took the Bolt Bus from Portland to Seattle this morning to meet up with our back up donor. C met her at the Seattle bus station and they are going to do the insem at the hotel Jess is staying in.

It’s a good thing I trust him. C is an awesome man, and we have become good friends over the last year. We even visited him and his wife this past April while we were on vacation. Anyway, if I didn’t trust him, she wouldn’t have gone and we would have had him ship for us.

I will certainly miss my wifey, since we are almost never apart like this. I think it’s rougher on me than her, but I can’t wait to pick her up tomorrow at 11! For now, she is my wife in Seattle.

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Dear Harper


Dear Harper,

Hello, it’s your Abba, missing you. I’m sad that we never got to see your face my little Harper Patience. I find myself sad many days of the week wishing for you. I know that it wasn’t meant to be that you join us here Earth side, but some days it’s hard to accept that. I know that we will see you again one day and that for now you will watch us from the other side. Always remember that your Abba loves you.

We are looking forward to the day we can welcome your brother or sister into the world. I know that you’re having so much fun together and I would hate to make you both sad, but would you please send them on their way Earth side for your Mama and Abba? We promise that we will take care of them, just as you have as the oldest.

I know your Mama misses you every day dear Harper. I can see it in her eyes. You will always always be loved.

Love Always,
Your Abba

Set Back


Welp. I was wondering what my next post was going to be about, and then the opportunity for a topic just came up. -_-

Our donor will be out of town between CD 15 and CD 19. The exact window of time that we will need him for our inseminations.

*huff puff* REALLY!?! Our first clomid cycle and our donor is out of town. UGH! Thankfully we do have a back up donor who we are always in contact with. He has actually turned into a good friend. Hopefully he can help us out.

We *do* have a back up to our back up though in case things don’t work out with our back up. Oy!

It’s Just Not Fair!


I think the title just about sums it all up. However, let me throw a little blog fit for a minute.

IT IS NOT FAIR!

Period. End of statement. I’m so freakin’ tired of seeing everyone else all happy and pregnant, or with their little ones. It’s not that I’m not happy for them, I really am. I’m jealous. Plain and simple.

ITS NOT FAIR!

They get to be happy and hear the heartbeat, and go on those late night craving runs, and all the while the wife and I get to suffer disappointment over and over and over. 14 months in a row now.

ITS NOT FAIR!

My heart just aches. I want a little one to be growing inside my wife. I want to see and hear that little heartbeat of our peanut. I long for that moment, and yet it still eludes us.

ITS NOT FAIR!

I love my wife, and somehow we have made it this far, but it better be our turn soon damn it!!

It’s just not fucking fair 😥