T update


I’ve been on T for about 8 weeks now and I’m starting to see results! 

I’ve got more hair on my legs, I’ve gained 12 pounds of muscle, my walk is different and my bo has changed. 

I’m looking and feeling great! I love feeling more and more comfortable in my skin. It’s really fantastic! 

TMI warning:

I’ve been fighting a yeast infection for a couple of weeks. It’s not fun. T has definitely messed with my chemistry a little bit. 

I also got a haircut that I’m in love with! That’s all for now. Until next time!

Starting Today


Yesterday I saw my primary about starting low dose T. It went well and he referred me to another physician in the practice who I’m meeting with today! 

Today I start low dose T and I’m SO excited!

Low Dose T


After much deliberation and much research I’ve decided I’m going to discuss starting low dose T with my doctor. 

I’m hoping that this will make me feel closer to the non-binary gender I am. 

In other news, I started a new job and so far it’s going well. Ruby is growing like a weed and her language has exploded. She never stops talking! 

Also I recently bleached the top part of my hair and I love it!

Divorce Blues


As of August 2016 Jessica and I have separated. It’s been a long bumpy 6 months of figuring out how to co-parent and filing divorce papers. There are many days that I miss us being a family, and others where I know it was for the best.

I have been in a relationship with a woman named Tess who has been great, but I don’t see myself being with her long term, which feels like a really shitty place to be, I think she see’s us being long term. She’s really great with Ruby, and is really a supportive person, so for now it’s a nice arrangement.

I’m again looking for a job, and in the near future I’ll be looking at getting my own place and being a successful adult 😉

That’s it for an update for now, I hope to be better at updating things again!

 

The Scary Part of Bipolar Parenting


Back in December you may recall I had a mental health crisis and ended up in the hospital. Well as a result of that my worst fear as a parent came true. CPS was called.

There was an interview with me and my wife and Ruby was visited at daycare but that was as far as it went.

We have been worried for a couple of months now but we just past our 60 days with no contact meaning our case is now closed. We can breathe a little bit easier.

Being bipolar and a parent is so challenging, and I will always worry about CPS showing up again. Guess it’s good motivation to take care of myself!

Bipolar Parenting


I’ve decided that I will be taking a parenting class. As ruby creeps closer to 1.5 her toddler spirit is showing and parenting as an empathic bipolar is hard!

I love my daughter so much, but I sometimes yell more than I would like to and I’m making a concerted effort to be a better parent for her.

Thankfully bedtime has become easier thanks to the guidance of a friend who teaches parenting classes. This has reduced the stress in the house so so much! The first night was rough but now bedtime is a breeze! 

Sorry this is so short. My brain is tired so it’s nap time.

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Picture from our hike last Saturday 🙂

Dear Pippin


Dear Pippin,
It’s been over a year now since we said goodbye to you, and every day it’s still hard. I miss you, with every fiber of my being.
Laying in bed tonight I still stretch my foot out, expecting to feel the warmth of your little dog body.
I miss your snuggles, your face licks, and especially your companionship.
I know we did the right thing by saying goodbye, but it doesn’t make it any easier without you. Some days I think it makes it worse.
I miss you Pippin Tobias. I wish things could be different and I could have you back, or at least this hole in my heart wasn’t so vast. Rest easy my sweet boy. Until I see you again.

Love,
Your devoted master, your Abba.

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Derby Life


I recently joined the local roller derby team, the Palouse River Rollers and have been taking part in their fresh meat training program.

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It’s been very challenging since I’ve never been on roller skates before now. I used to roller blade growing up, but skates are a totally different beast!

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We recently went to Spokane and visited the skate shop Krunch! I got some basic protective gear, and my very own pair of skates, that I absolutely love!!

I find myself improving every time I strap on my skates. Just today I learned how to skate backwards consistently  (a skill I’ve been trying to work on) and mastered a couple of jumps! I even increased my timed laps by 4, an improvement since Friday! I’m up to 18 now of the required 27 in 5 minutes. Getting closer!

One of my favorite parts about being apart of this team is how welcome I’ve felt, even from day 1. These amazing ladies are my family now and I’m so glad I met them. I even have a derby name,  it’s Jen N Toxxic.

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I’ll let ya’ll know how my skills test goes in a couple of weeks. Wish me luck!

#bleedteal #derbylove #PRR #Toxxic

For the Love of Books


Recently I held an usborne book party through a friend and I was able to get a large chunk of books for Ruby for a low price. (Thank you hostess rewards!)

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Ruby loves books and being read to so I was very happy to add to her library.

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These two are my favorites! But Ruby really loves the That’s Not My set. We have that’s not my pony, kitten, fairy and mermaid. All are touch and feel and are great for little readers!

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She’s learning more words every day as well as signs. She’s getting good at please lately. I’m so excited for what’s in store next!

If you’d like to see what usborne has to offer or order your own books check out my friend Ashleys site!

https://l4116.myubam.com/

Happy reading!!

Anxiety


It surrounds my every day. Wednesday it crippled me to the point of skipping out on all responsibility except for Ruby.

It’s mostly under control, but it gets the best of me every now and then. Like Wednesday, when all I did was sleep.

Then there was today. I got up, got dressed, got Ruby to daycare, jess to school and me. I ate breakfast on campus, went to both of my classes, the math lab, and dropped off paperwork. It was productive.

And tonight, I got Ruby to bed on my own, with no bottle and very little anxiety / frustration. Today was an incredible win and I’m so proud of myself!

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Anxiety: 0 Jenn: Won